Friday, October 23, 2009
Take care of yourself.
This seems to be a reoccurring theme.
In the Al-Anon meetings I have been to they keep saying take care of you. In the book I am reading and the comments I received and the blogs I read all say that. I keep hearing this over and over. I kept thinking in my mind I don’t know how to do this anymore. It seems too much work to take care of myself, along with the other people I take care of.
I don't know how to take care of myself. I have been taking care of somebody else for the last 8 years. I use to take care of myself, I just gave up. Seems silly you can’t even figure out how to take care of your self. I seem to know how to take care of others, what they should do, when they should do it, how they should do it and whats best for them.
I was reading last night and in the book it said. "Figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself." She listed a few things Could it be that easy? Could I make a list?
Haircut - it seems silly that this would be the first thing on my list. I use to spend a lot of money on how I looked –hair salon, nails, gym membership, makeup, jewelry, clothes. Last time I cut my hair about 6 months ago. I put it in a pony tail and just chopped it off. Britney moment? I just made an appointment to get my hair done.
My face - I am not sure I am ready to go back to wearing makeup, but I can start taking care of my face again - not just soap, water and whatever lotion is sitting on the counter
Exercise - I use to go to the gym every day, not sure I am ready to go back to the gym, we have a Wii, maybe I will try Wii fit, there is also a lot of fitness shows on TV
Diet - I just eat anything that’s available, vending machine at work, PB&J a lot at home, chips, soda - cookies and Starbucks are me weakness, just cutting those out would help tremendously. I have gained 75 pounds this year. That doesn't seem possible, sadly it’s the truth.
Walk - I really enjoy walking with my dog Angel - she's a very sweet Cocker Spaniel. I can make it a point to walk everyday. She has been my rock. I can always talk to her. She loves me unconditionally. ( Do I sound a little wacky?)
Music - I like music but when I am feeling down I don't like to listen to music, it’s really strange, when I am in the car all I do is switch stations, I can't listen to some songs. I really don't know why, because most of them don't say anything about my issues. Weird. I think I might try some new age music. Something soothing. Maybe I will by an IPod.
Al-Anon- I will try to go to more Al-Anon meetings, they have at least one a day, and I could even sneak over during my lunch
Sponsor - I need it get a sponsor, it’s hard for me to ask for help, but they keep encouraging that.
Higher Power - I am open minded, most everything I am hearing about, step I need to take, I need my Higher Power. I am going to figure out who/what my Higher Power is.
Prayer - I was not raised in a religious family, I don't know how to pray - this goes along with my Higher Power, I think this is something I really need to think about and work on.
Boundaries - I need to set up some boundaries with Ryan and stick to them, setting them up will be easy, enforcing them is something that will be very difficult for me
Read - I use to read for fun all the time. You wouldn't catch me ever without something I was in the process of reading. I am currently reading self help books; I need to go get a novel, I have not read a novel in a very long time.
Sleep - I don't like to sleep at night, I do like to sleep in the morning. I think Ryan gets this from me. I have to be to work by 7, I usually don't go to bed until midnight to one o'clock, sometimes later.
Family - I would like to spend time with my other children and their kids, I don't see them much, that’s a shame. I have 4 beautiful children not just one. I have 3 of the cutest grandchildren, they hardly know me, and twins that will be here in about six week. I have not even bought them anything. Shame on me.
Shopping – I use to love, love, love to shop. Now I hate even walking into the stores. I can go shopping for the new babies. That might be fun.
Get out of the house - I don't like to go anywhere or be around people, especially people that drink, I am becoming very anti-social. Al-Anon is helping me a lot just by being around other people.
Golf - I use to be very passionate about golf. I was pretty good at it; I think I need to start playing again. Too bad it’s getting cold here, but there should be a few more nice days left.
My husband – I really honestly use to tell people I had the perfect marriage, the perfect family and I did. I am not sure I have the mental strength to think about this right now, but I put it on my list for the future.
I hope it is easy as it sounds. At least my brain is willing to wrap itself around the idea. A few months ago, even a few days ago, I am not sure this was possible.
This looks like a good start. A few things I can do now, a few things I need to ease into and something’s I really need to figure out.
I really use to be a normal, happy person.
I am going to start taking care of myself.
Thanks for your kind words, it gives me hope and gives me confidence.
E - Optimistic
M - Clear