Is this progress?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ryan just called me.
He actually called the state motor vehicle office to fine out exactly what he need to do to get his license back.

They told him he needed an SR22 and proof of 12 hours of alcohol classes.

I have no idea what an SR22 is, I told Ryan this. He said it had to do with insurance. I told him he could call the insurance agent and ask him if he wanted. He also could call the alcohol class instructor to get proof.

I was just about to do this for him but I had just read how Debby didnt make the calls. I remember what was said in the Al-Anon meeting and from my reading of Codependent No More.

Is this progress? Am I on the road to recovery?
I don't know, I hope so. I know its a long road, I don't want to be a codependent any longer.

9 comments:

Cheri October 22, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!! This is progress. Let Ryan take responsibility for finding out what the SR22 is and for getting it. Letting him clean up his own mess is the only way he will truly get in touch with the fact that he has a problem that he needs to handle; namely, alcoholism.

You are there for him, to love him, to support him. But you are not there to do for him what he can do for himself.

Blessings and prayers,
Cheri

Mom of Opiate Addict October 22, 2009 at 4:18 PM  

Yes it is progress!!! His life, his responsibilities. Getting out of their way so they can learn their own life lessons is so important. Also, this gives you the opportunity to heal and live your own life with your own lessons to learn. Way to go!!

Sherry October 22, 2009 at 4:57 PM  

Hi Lynn - I believe in things happening for a reason (through God) and just today I found out about the Teen Challenge program (the name is misleading - typically the age range is 18-35) that Cheri mentioned in one of your earlier posts. Perhaps if you give him the choice between going there (have him call and get the information) or leaving the house, he will choose help. The only issue may be the pancreatitis for admittance. I will pray for you and Ryan!

Dad and Mom October 22, 2009 at 5:07 PM  

Lynn,

An unfortunate welcome to our group of parents with addicted and alcoholic children.

It is a terrible struggle between loving our addicted children, enabling their behavior, supporting their efforts at sobriety and setting appropriate boundaries for ourselves. This is a difficult target and it is moving all the time. But you need to at least look at what you are doing for your son and stop doing whatever he can do for himself. That by far is not the complete story but it is the start.

Good luck and stay connected. I have found that my blog friends understand more than others close to me can even grasp.

Feel free to visit me also. www.parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com

clean and crazy October 22, 2009 at 7:22 PM  

an sr22 is simply something that the insurance company turns into the state each year to tell them you have insurance, they also report, immediately if you drop your insurance. this costs quite a bit more money for insurance.
you are in my prayers, and i pray for ryan at every meeting!!

Barbara(aka Layla) October 22, 2009 at 9:23 PM  

Yes! You are making progress! Debby is very inspirational and is a strong woman...and so are you. It just takes time. I am very much like you are with my son (heroin addict) but am learning as I go the difference between enabling and encouraging. I will add you to my blogs. You are not alone!

Madison October 23, 2009 at 3:38 AM  

Lynn, the problem with codependents is that when codependents try to determine if someone could do something for themselves, codependents always answer 'no'. Then, follow that with a string of excuses. 'They're sick, they're tired, they're young, they're old or I'm just a nice person, I love them, they need me...' It helps me to ask myself, 'could the person I am trying to 'help' do this if drugs or alcohol were not involved?' The answer to that is almost always 'yes'. Some of the attributes of a codependent are: "I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others of what they 'should' think and how they 'truly' feel. I become resentful when others will not let me help them. I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked. I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others." Welcome to our community. Here's my advice without being asked. Keep going to alanon and remember that these blogs are not the best place to get advice. But, they are a good place to get support. Take care of yourself.

Athena October 23, 2009 at 5:56 AM  

Good peopel and good advice here... I don't have much to add, except... you are not alone

~hugs~

athenarising.blogspot.com

Cheri October 23, 2009 at 2:01 PM  

Lynn,

Madison made some excellent points above. There is much support for you here in the blogging community, but a codependent person needs more than support; they need a place to get consistent feedback and guidance from someone who understands how a codependent thinks and how they can deceive themselves into staying in a pattern of dysfunction.

All of us here have lived with addicts of one kind or another and/or have struggled with addiction ourselves, so we are most likely all codependent to some degree. We are all also on the road to recovery, and we truly desire to point others there too.

Hang in there,
Cheri

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