I'm here

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I am feeling better about myself.

I have been getting some exercise in. I colored and cut my hair, I put on makeup this morning. I bought a braclet that has symbols for the serenity prayer. It is helping me alot. I touch it very often and I pray. I have started reading, listening to music, praying, and meditating. I also have a project to keep me busy. I am researching my family genealogy. It has been awhile since I was excited about a project.

I think I have become complacent about Ryan. I really don't know. Maybe he has his addiction kicked this time. Either he does or he will end up back in the hospital for pancreatitis.

He is seeing a counslor twice a week. I am almost sure he is not drinking. He started work this week, he is cooking at a deli. Jerry and him are actually starting to communicate. He is running with the dog, he says he is calling his sponsor that he had when he was in rehab. The only thing is he is not going to AA nor does he have a sponsor here. He works at night, as soon as he gets a car (hopefully this week) he is going to find a day job too. He still stays up half the night and sleeps in the morning. I have a hard time deciding if this is still not a good thing. I am a night person and stay up late and would sleep all morning if I could. So I understand where he gets it from.

Ryan is a good cook, he has started cooking us dinner a couple of times a week. Last night we had something he called Chicken, Asparus Linguini. He made it up. It was really really good.
I don't like to cook but I do prepare dinner every night. When I cook I usually have to follow a recipe, I am not the type that can just whip something up. I don't know where Ryan got it from but he can just go into a kitchen and make something up.
I don't sit down and eat when I have to cook. I don't like to eat my own cooking. I usually eat cereal or PB&J. When Ryan has cooked I sit down and eat. It is actually really nice. Ryan's girlfriend Jessica has joined us. We have even played cards.

We are going to buy Ryan a car and set him up on a payment program. He is responsible for making the payment, paying the insurance, gas and maintance. If he doesn't make the payments or can't pay for gas the car sits. Hopefully he will be on his own soon.

I have been following Debby's blog and am very sad that she is in such a rough place. I hope and pray that B will get clean and Debby can be free from worry all the time. I am to a place in my life that I am not feeling frantic and worried 24/7. All the advise, thoughts wishes and prayers have helped me do this. Me finding myself and learning to pray and learn about enabling was a great help too.

I am thinking and praying for all the Mom's, Dad's, wife's, husband's, sister's, brother's, friends and family's of addicts. Its a hard place.
I am praying that Ryan's and my journey to his being sober will be smooth.

I just hope I don't have my head in the sand.


Mom of Opiate Addict November 5, 2009 at 11:59 AM  

It sounds like you are doing great! It also seems as though Ryan is moving in a positive direction. I hope he continues along his current path...and I really wish he could come cook me dinner;) Keep taking care of yourself and allowing Ryan to learn as he goes with your support. What a difference a week makes.

Barbara(aka Layla) November 5, 2009 at 12:14 PM  

GOOD FOR YOU! It sounds like you are doing really well and taking care of yourself! Its amazing how a little bit of care for ourselves goes a long way. I feel such a difference when I exercise and treat myself well. I'm happy for you.

AND it sounds like Ryan is doing good too. One day at a time, right? Mmmm, the dish he made sounds yummy. What a great talent to have (I don't cook either...unless microwaving broccoli or opening a can of soup counts...)

Keep doing what you are doing!!!

Madison November 5, 2009 at 5:49 PM  

I'm glad you're being nice to yourself. If you're right about Ryan, you'll have lots of time to build great memories. If you're wrong, the car will more than likely have to be a gift. Either way, you can be taking care of you.

Cheri November 5, 2009 at 10:22 PM  


We are praying with you that Ryan's recovery will be smooth. Prayers are always good.

It was nice to read that you are taking care of yourself, and that Jerry and Ryan are beginning to talk a bit.

Praying for you all,

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