I found my beautiful, happy, perfect

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I have learned alot thru reading blogs and books.
I have come to believe in my HigherPower. That in itself is a miracle to me. I have come to peace with myself and my HigherPower.
One of the things I have prayed about was for me to get better. I was in a pretty dark place for a long time.
I am excited about life again, excited about my family. I am getting out and doing things. This all came about after I started believing in my HigherPower, after praying.

I still have a ways to go, but I feel my beautiful, happy, perfect family was there the whole time. I just had to find myself again. We may not be perfect in some peoples eyes. We are perfect for ourselves.

Ryan has been sober for 2 and 1/2 months now. He has been home a month now.

He is working, although it is just parttime.

Jerry is actually helping Ryan by showing him how to look on our local job search for help wanted ads and how to apply for them.
Ryan really likes his new job and is doing really well at it.

I am still driving him to work. He should get his drivers license back this week. Yes I know I am enabling.
But I am doing what I think is best. He is sober, he is working.
He is feeling confident and actually good about himself. He is excited about getting on with his life.
The only time he has asked me for money is for a movie once and a loan of $95 to get his drivers license reinstated.
We also bought a car for him.

We do have a contract with him.

This is what is expected of him
Makes his car payments to us.
Pays for his insurance, gas and repairs.
He will not recieve any money from me for anything.
He will get another full time or part time job.
We will discuss time frame for him moving out. (It is something I want to happen ASAP)
He agrees to the fact this is his last chance.

If he cannot meet the conditions of the contract the car will be taken away from him. We paid $2700 for it.

He will get on his feet soon and be out of my house. I will not do this again.
He is feeling really good, I know most people will say I am enabling.
I think I am a Mom, proud that her son is sober. Willing to give him this last chance. I am willing to help he get a new start. What happens if this fails? He will probably die if he drinks again. If he stays sober he will live and find a way.
I pray that this lasts, I pray that every family of addicts can find what I have. I pray for Debby and B everyday.


Sherry November 11, 2009 at 2:51 PM  

Lynn - I am so happy for you, Ryan and Jerry. It doesn't sound to me like you are enabling! I also found it very helpful to read all of the different blogs, comments, books and of course prayer!

Barbara(aka Layla) November 11, 2009 at 3:23 PM  

Its wonderful to hear such good positive news!!!

Mom of Opiate Addict November 11, 2009 at 11:48 PM  

I like to believe when our sons are willing and sober, then our assistance to them is appropriate. When they are not, retreat. I am glad things are positive for you and your family. I pray it stays the way for you all! Blessings.

Madison November 12, 2009 at 2:57 AM  

I wonder why you feel you need to keep writing that everyone will think you are enabling when you are helping a sober person to pull a life together. I agree with Mom of Opiate Addict.

Her Big Sad November 12, 2009 at 9:15 PM  

It's my personal opinion that you are not enabling. You have laid down your boundaries and your conditions for the help you are willing to offer along the way as he heads towards self-sufficiency. He is sober. You are continuing to adjust the boundaries in a direction that will cause him to have to assume more responsibility (moving out, etc). This, to me, is helping someone who is sober have the best chance possible of making it and seems to me to be quite appropriate. I am SO happy to hear about this, and praying that this continues. :)

Cheri November 18, 2009 at 12:13 PM  


You are not enabling your son. You are working with him to meet the goals you have both set together, to help him stay sober.

Scripture tells us not to provoke our children to anger. If Ryan were drinking or using and flaunting it in your face, living in your home, and you were still driving him to work... that's enabling. If you were to refuse to help him at all, you could very well provoke him back to a place neither of you wants him to go. It is a very fine line between helping a child that is deserving of help and enabling one who is on the wrong road.

I am encouraged by what you have shared here.


LisaC November 21, 2009 at 7:58 AM  

I just left you a blog award!


Sherry November 21, 2009 at 8:43 AM  

Lynn - I left you a blog award at my site!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story November 24, 2009 at 9:19 AM  

Praise God! I'm so behind in reading blogs, and will work on that this weekend. This is all so encouraging. I sense your are apologizing for the decisions to make. I do that, too. You have to do what feels right in your heart. I pray that your son will stick to the contract. I'm praying and thinking about you.


Tonjia February 10, 2010 at 3:45 AM  

Lynn, you can enable continued addiction, or you can enable recovery and sobriety. You are enabling your sons recovery. No guilt required. That is what love does. :)

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